Chotki Pride

This week I turn 63. Seems impossible. I do remember when being sixty seemed really old. Now I am just pleased I get the senior discount at some restaurants and most movie theatres. The AARP mailings are more frequent now.

Given my ripe old age, I should have learned more by now, but I guess I am in the slow group. I am in the unenviable position of living a life that has nowhere near caught up with what I know to be the life to which I am called.

This week I purchased a 33-knot Orthodox Wrist Chotki to use in my prayers, especially the Jesus prayer: “Κύριε Ιησού Χριστέ, Υιέ του Θεού, ελέησόν με τον αμαρτωλόν”, in English: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”

The Chotki arrived yesterday and I secretly slipped it on my wrist (I don’t think my wife even noticed it yet) and have been faithfully saying the prayer, including when I woke up the middle of the night due to the only thing more frequent in old age than the AARP mailings.

I have used the chotki to say my prayers exactly one day and this is what has already happened.

God has overwhelmed me with an awareness of my own pride (something I have always been proud I did not possess.)

Scriptures about pride are jumping out at me. “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” “Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.” “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” “But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

Please understand, I am talking about an “on the verge of continuous weeping” sense of my pride.

I am comforted by the Jesus prayer itself, for in saying it I am personally acknowledging that I am a sinner reliant on the mercy of Jesus.

Those closest to me might be shaking their heads in wonder at my obtuseness about a pride so obvious to them, that my not seeing it is but a greater revelation of the blindness and self-cluelessness they have come to expect in me. For all of you who may have seen subtle hints of my pride, or God forbid, full-blown uninhibited exhibitions of it, I ask your forgiveness.

Truly.

“Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”

 

Posted in Staublog in March 31, 2011 by | 1 Comment »

One Response to Chotki Pride

  1. 033111 | Dick Staub on March 31, 2011 at 9:24 am

    […] I have used the chotki exactly one day and this is what has already happened. God has overwhelmed me with an awareness of my own pride (something I have always been proud I did not possess.) Read more […]

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